Never Got Caught

Bramblewick, Essex · 1993–1999 · all true

Never Got
Caught

Forty-four true stories from one village, one long decade and a gang of kids who got away with absolutely everything. Written from the inside by someone who was ten when it happened — so the details are exact, the parents are always in the background, and nobody gets caught.

Authority: real childhood, real place, remembered scene by scene.
Liking: if you were a kid in the 90s, you already know these children.
Social proof: battle-tested on kids and adults — kids laugh, adults are shocked.
Scarcity: four volumes, one era each, released week by week while they’re being drawn.
Reciprocity: get the first illustrated spread free when you join the list.
Commitment: one story a week, straight to your inbox, no spam.

“I opened it expecting a kids' book and got ambushed by 1994. The milk crates, the striped t-shirt, the hedge. I was in that hedge.”
Dan, 41

Pen-and-wash illustration of a boy flying through the air above a 1990s back garden as milk crates tumble, while his mum pegs washing and his dad reads a newspaper, both facing away — Book one, pages 22–23. One and a half seconds of being the tallest boy in Essex.

Upcoming stories

A new spread or story every week

Book one is being drawn now. After that, a new story gets written up and a new spread gets inked every week. The list sees each one first.

Next · 30 Aug 2026
Book One spread: The dare
Spread
Then · 6 Sep 2026
Two On One Bike
Story
Then · 13 Sep 2026
Book One spread: The launch
Spread
Then · 20 Sep 2026
The Great Nettle Catastrophe
Story
Then · 27 Sep 2026
The Hovis Bag Water Bomb
Story
Then · 4 Oct 2026
Book One spread: The cover-up
Spread

Get each one before it goes public →

The trick of it

Kids read an adventure where they win. Nobody is grounded, nobody learns a lesson, nobody gets a talking-to on the last page.

Grown-ups read the background: the washing line, the newspaper, the barbecue nobody checks. The parents are in every single spread, calmly facing the wrong way. Everyone had a childhood. This one just got written down properly.

And they still have not found out.

Boy at the top of a swaying tower of milk crates while a friend eggs him on from the grass and a mum pegs washing, oblivious — “Higher,” said Barry. From the ground. Where it was safe.

Read a bit

Four spreads from book one. Read them out loud — that's what they're built for.

Pen-and-wash illustration of nineteen milk crates stacked behind a garden shed with nettles and a bike

Pages 4–5

Behind the shed there were nineteen milk crates. Nobody knew whose they were. Nobody had ever asked. And nineteen, if you think about it, is quite a lot of crates.

Boy at the top of a swaying tower of milk crates while a friend shouts from the grass and a mum pegs washing, oblivious

Pages 12–13

“Higher,” said Barry. So we went higher. “Higher,” said Barry again, from the ground, where it was safe.

Boy flying sideways high above an English back garden, one trainer coming off, adults below not looking up

Pages 22–23

For about one and a half seconds I was the tallest boy in Essex. Then I was a boy in a hedge.

Three grubby children standing innocently in a kitchen doorway while a dad holds a mug and looks puzzled

Pages 30–31

We put every crate back. We brushed the grass off our knees. Dad said, “You lot have been quiet.” And we said, “Have we?”

What the kids said

“The bit where he goes in the hedge is the best bit of any book.”
Alfie, 6
“The mum NEVER LOOKS. Not once! I checked every page!”
Isla, 7
“It's funny because they don't get in trouble and normally you do.”
Noah, 8
“Can we get milk crates.”
Tommy, 5

What the grown-ups said

“I opened it expecting a kids' book and got ambushed by 1994. The milk crates, the striped t-shirt, the hedge. I was in that hedge. Everyone in my class was in that hedge.”
Dan, 41
“What gets me is the parents. Always three feet away, always looking at something else. That was my whole childhood, and now I'm the one not looking.”
Rachel, 38
“Read it at a barbecue and within ten minutes four grown men were confessing things. One of them was still nervous about it. He is fifty-one.”
Steve, 51 — Bramblewick

Forty-four of these, in four volumes

1993 to 1999, all within a mile of the same street, split into volumes by era — The Early Years, Out Of The Garden, Wheels And Fire, The Last Summers. A new story goes up every week. A taste:

011993
The Great Milk Crate Prank
“For about one and a half seconds I was the tallest boy in Essex. Then I was a boy in a hedge.”
021993
Two On One Bike
“Barry sat on the handlebars, which meant Barry could not steer and I could not see. We agreed this was fine.”
031993
The Great Nettle Catastrophe
“The ditch was full of nettles. We know exactly how full, because we counted them later, on my legs.”
041994
The Hovis Bag Water Bomb
“A bread bag holds four pints of water. A brand new Cavalier holds all four of them at once.”
051994
The Treehouse Demolition
“You should not take a hacksaw up a ladder. Two dads were nine feet away and neither one turned round.”
061994
The Honda PX In The Long Grass
“It had no brakes, no lights and no owner. It had a kickstart, and that was enough for us.”

See all forty-four, by volume →

Pen-and-wash illustration of a 1990s Essex village street with kids freewheeling past a red phone box while a dad washes his car, facing away — The whole series happens within a mile of this street.

One more thing

Book one is being drawn now: 32 pages, four inks, cream paper, the sort of book that gets read until the spine goes soft.

When it's ready to print, the people on the list hear before anyone else. No other announcements, no spam, and nothing to buy today.

Join the list ↑

Never GotCaught

Get the free sample spread first

A new spread or story every week

The trick of it

Read a bit

What the kids said

What the grown-ups said

Forty-four of these, in four volumes

The Great Milk Crate Prank

Two On One Bike

The Great Nettle Catastrophe

The Hovis Bag Water Bomb

The Treehouse Demolition

The Honda PX In The Long Grass

One more thing

Never Got
Caught